Lenten Reflection

When Your Mind Won't Be Still

by Leanne Shawler

This Lent, I took on the spiritual discipline of meditation. There’s a small group of us keeping in touch through email as part of Good Sam’s Open Source Lent. I thought I’d share a revelation about my story.

It got off to a rocky start, I did really well last week, and this week, my routine became unstuck: appointments, delayed chores, all have combined to stop me meditating except for a few blissful moments in yoga class today.

Yeah, it's blissful, it's something I long for, and yet, if there is an excuse for it not to happen....

And it gets worse. The one thing I struggle with when I do sit down to meditate is keeping my mind still. I live in my brain: it's where I nut out my writing, my battling with scripture, and it is what I feed with books on scripture, spiritual practices and living.

Yeah, stilling that is pretty hard.

Have you ever been told to give something over to Jesus, to lay it at the foot of His cross? Have you ever wanted to kick them in the shins because it's not as easy as saying it? But of course, we don't kick them because we are nice Christians. We smile and complain how hard that is to do, and change the subject.  (Please tell me you do this too.)

Last night, after four days of no meditation, I lay awake. I ruminated over that evening's meeting. Something that tickled that I let pass.

Over an hour later, I'm still thinking about it. That's one of my quirks, which is both a gift and a curse. I review, I rehearse, I obsess.

I take a breath, use a meditation technique, praying The Jesus Prayer as I breathe in, as I breathe out.

A moment's peace and the subject grips me again. It takes me a little while to realize it. To realize that by sticking with this thought I am robbing myself of joy, of love, of peace. I need to stop thinking about this. Now.

"God," I pray silently, "I lay this burden at the foot of your cross. Please take it from me."

There's a release, a letting go. I start to dream ...

I didn't think it was going to be that easy, did I? My crafty brain approaches the thought from an entirely different, unwelcome angle.

I catch on quicker this time, think, "Looks like I picked the burden up again, God. Here you go..."

And at last, at last, I fall asleep.

I dream of water, of swimming in it ... and wake up with that sense of peace that so eluded me the night before.




My mind kicks in again, but not about an obsessive thought, but how dreaming of the ocean was God's way of forgiving me, of saving me, by washing me clean again and again and again.

You  might have to lay your burdens at the foot of the cross more than twice. It might be ten times. A thousand. Ten times a thousand. It might be the hardest thing you ever do, but try it and receive God's love and grace, and especially for this tired brain, peace.

Is meditating easy or hard for you?  How is your Open Source Lent going? Please share in the comments.


This is a slightly edited of the original at Leanne’s blog.

Order of Saint Luke

What is the Order of St. Luke (OSL)?
by Beth Dugan 

OSL is the ecumenical healing ministry that we participate in at Good Samaritan. It consists of men and women who have been trained and ordained to offer relief from physical or emotional distress by face-to-face prayer and/or the laying-on of hands.

Jesus strongly urged his followers to go and heal as he had healed, and to believe in their power to do so. Each one of us, as part of "the body of Christ", is a temple to that same Holy Spirit that does the healing.  The Christ came to dwell among us to remind us that God wanted man and woman to share His creation, to dwell with Him in paradise. Illness and suffering were not God's intention then, are not now, and never will be. Essential to every individual healer's balance, perspective, humility and support is participation in community with others who feel called to serve as healers. Therefore the OSL leaders provide speakers at monthly meetings and in larger conferences nationally and internationally to provide ongoing training.

On March 9 Josh Acton, a minister and OSL member, spoke at the La Jolla Presbyterian Church to an audience including OSL members and others who are interested in doing healing or who simply came to seek healing. Josh, formerly an Episcopal priest and now in ministry with the Vineyard Church in both San Diego and in Hemet, spoke about the doubt that assails him as a healer. Josh identified doubt as the attempt of the Satan to interfere with the work of Jesus Christ.  Having felt such doubt even during his act of the laying-on of hands, Josh has learned to trust in the possibility of the smallest "mustard-seed moment" when he feels the presence of the real healer, the Spirit, even despite his own doubt. Josh's experience has been that it takes only such an instant to allow for a complete healing experience for the one he has touched. Josh also spoke about the embarrassment he has felt in offering services when he has felt the "shove of the Dove," describing a time in a cafe when he felt everybody must be looking at him as he placed his hands on a woman's eyes.  However, that healing success then became evident to all around them as her eyes that were swollen shut with infection and pain were opened and free. After Josh finished speaking, instead of offering a period for questions and answers, he invited anybody who wished to be healed to work individually with OSL members during a period of prayer and/or hands-on service time.  Clearly participation in this experience would be the most valid possible answer to every possible question.  There is nothing intellectual required in the exercise of faith.